I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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