i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
