I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
