If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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