3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I want a musical about memes.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
