okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
