I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
