I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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