why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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