It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
