I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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