Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
