Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
3pm strippers are depressing
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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