i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
