I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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