the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She even gives head with a lisp.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
