im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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