If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
