I can't watch pbs sober anymore
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
