I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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