the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
