just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
