he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
