I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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