I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
