hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
