is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I intend to get homeless drunk
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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