Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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