woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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