You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Randomize
