Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
