Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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