We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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