We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
