You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
