dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You need a sexual gate keeper
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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