I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
