she looked like the before picture.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
