I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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