She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
