Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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