My sheets look like a crime scene.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
