Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
