$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
