Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
