May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
