just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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