It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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