dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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