While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Randomize
