I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
