Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
