Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
