I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
